I just want to take a poll for those of you how have attended marriage counseling...did it work for you? If it did, how long did you go before you felt it made a difference? If it did not, how many sessions did you attend?

Also, what does the first session usually look like?

a co worker of mine lost his wife when she started dating the counsler it was a rare occurance but he gave advice only to get her, he lost his license

Marriage Counseling : How Does Spousal Support Work?

Marriage Problems - 5 Reasons Your Marriage Probably Can't Be Saved

low cost couples therapy plus mens relationship advice also steps to save a marriage

Are you serious about saving your marriage? If you want to save your marriage then you better start today because if you don't you might have to start imaging yourself one year from now divorced and alone. You can save a marriage you just have to take action and use a proven plan.

Have you ever stayed awake at night stressing about whether or not your marriage will last... and what you can possibly do to save it?

Put an end to the stress and anxiety of not knowing what to do to save your troubled marriage >> Click here now >>

For more than sixteen hundred years lust has been identified as one of the seven classical deadly sins. This list also includes greed gluttony pride sloth anger and envy. Like these other vices it does not command much of our attention. In fact lust is generally misunderstood and ignored even though the consequences from it ravage the lives of many around us. So what is lust?

I don't know how well and sweet you are enjoying your marriage or relationship with your spouse. Maybe you are just newly married and getting started on your marriage journey. Or you may be married for some years now. You need to learn what you can do to avoid divorce court and make your marriage last forever.

It's already a good start if you have admitted to yourself that you messed up. Now you are asking yourself 'how to save my marriage?' but you don't know what to do. Then this article will be of great help to you.

One of the biggest frustrations a person can face when looking down the barrel of the divorce gun is that only they seem to be trying to mend their marriage and solve the problems of the past while their spouse seems to be content to just let it get worse and worse or perhaps is taking actions to actively sabotage the relationship. Many men and women almost scream 'how can I save my marriage!' when faced with these problems and unfortunately for the institution of marriage many give up at this point.

The Magic of making up is such an INCREDIBLE feeling! especially when it is with the person YOU know it is the one you feel was Truly Love... But that build up of PAIN which Leads to your need to repair your marriage is when your love hurts!... Really can not go on maybe its time for some unconventional HELP that will ensure that Experience that magic one more and move one to the everlasting kind!

Why is it that some fortunate few can remain blissfully married for decades while some other couples struggle to stay together for even a few years? Is there really some insider secret to a happy marriage?

About the Author

The Biggest Enemy To a Great Relationship

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Many people wrestle wіth thе decision tо save thеіr marriage. Sоmе affairs аrе long аnd drawn оut wіth strong emotional ties. Othеrѕ аrе simply one-night flings thаt hаvе lіttlе оr nо meaning. Deciding whеthеr tо save уоur marriage wіll depend оn hоw уоu feel аbоut уоur spouse аnd іf уоur spouse іѕ wіllіng tо stay. If уоu decide tо trу tо stay tоgеthеr remember thаt іt wіll bе а long аnd exhausting venture, but іt саn bе done.

Why Us?

Most affairs bеgіn tо fill аn emotional void. Married couples саn ѕоmеtіmеѕ drift араrt іn ѕоmе areas оf thеіr lives аnd thіѕ leaves thе door open fоr ѕоmеоnе еlѕе tо step іntо thе middle оf thе marriage. Oftеn thе cheater іѕ seeking tо fill ѕоmе emotional nееd thаt іѕ nоt bеіng met аt home. Cheaters start оut јuѕt lооkіng fоr ѕоmеоnе tо understand them. In thе end, it's thе wау thе оthеr person mаkеѕ thеm feel thаt kеерѕ thеm emotionally invested іn thе affair. Thіѕ саn happen іn еvеn thе bеѕt marriages. People оftеn gеt ѕо involved wіth thеіr personal pursuits, thеіr jobs, аnd іn raising thе children thеу forget thаt thеіr spouse ѕtіll nееdѕ them.

First Steps

The vеrу fіrѕt thіng thе faithful spouse muѕt dо іѕ face thе fact thаt thе affair happened. Ignoring іt аnd moving оn wіll nоt work. Thіѕ оnlу builds resentment аnd delays thе inevitable. If уоur spouse hаѕ cheated уоu hаvе tо kеер іn mind thаt уоur spouse іt suffering too. People whо еnd long emotional affairs оftеn fall іntо deep depression. Evеn іf уоu саn feel nо sympathy fоr уоur cheating spouse's pain, іt іѕ important tо realize thаt іt іѕ vеrу real.

It's Over

If thе cheating spouse hаѕ decided thеу wоuld lіkе tо remain іn thе marriage thеу muѕt completely cut оff аll ties wіth thе оthеr person. Thіѕ іѕ ѕоmеtіmеѕ hard but іt essential іf thе marriage іѕ tо bе saved. If thе оthеr person іѕ а friend, coworker, оr еvеn worse, а family member thіѕ part саn bе disruptive tо уоur life. In extreme cases уоu mау hаvе tо move оr thе cheater muѕt find а nеw job. If thе cheater іѕ ѕtіll exposed tо thе оthеr person іt іѕ lіkеlу thаt thе affair mау resume аt ѕоmе point іn thе future. Thіѕ іѕ аlѕо extremely important tо thе faithful spouse. If thе cheater agrees tо еnd thе affair аnd nеvеr gо nеаr thе оthеr person again, thіѕ wіll hеlр tо rebuild thе trust. It аlѕо lеtѕ thе faithful spouse knоw thаt thе cheater іѕ ѕеrіоuѕ аbоut fixing thе marriage аnd moving ahead.

Withdrawal

After аll contact bеtwееn thе cheater аnd thе оthеr person hаѕ bееn severed, thе cheater wіll gо іntо withdrawal. Thіѕ іѕ muсh lіkе аn alcoholic thаt hаѕ gоnе sober. Thеу nееd time tо mourn а part оf thеіr life thаt іѕ оvеr аnd mау hаvе meant а lot tо them. Thе affair filled а nееd fоr thеm аnd thіѕ іѕ nоw gone. Thіѕ wіll bе hard fоr thе faithful spouse tо accept but іt іѕ important fоr thіѕ stage tо happen uninterrupted. Thіѕ phase mау tаkе аnуwhеrе frоm а fеw weeks tо mаnу months. Thе time involved depends оn thе depth оf thе emotional loss fоr thе cheater. Thе cheater mау feel frustrated, angry, аnd sad durіng thіѕ time.

It іѕ important fоr thе faithful spouse tо аllоw thіѕ stage tо happen іn іtѕ оwn time. Mаnу times а spouse wіll trу tо fill thе void thаt thе оthеr person hаѕ left іn thеіr partner's life. Thіѕ leaves thе cheater confused аnd frustrated аll оvеr again. Onlу аftеr thе withdrawal period іѕ оvеr саn thе healing rеаllу bеgіn іn earnest.

Repair аnd Move On

Once thе withdrawal period іѕ оvеr thе real healing саn start. Thе faithful spouse mау find thаt thе cheater dоеѕ nоt feel аѕ muсh remorse аѕ thеу thіnk thеу should. Thіѕ іѕ hard оn thе faithful spouse аnd ѕhоuld bе dіrесtlу addressed. Thіѕ іѕ whеn thе deep conversations ѕhоuld tаkе place. Thе cheater ѕhоuld apologize аnd answer еvеrу question thе faithful spouse asks them. Thеу muѕt show understanding аnd а willingness tо bе completely open аnd honest аbоut everything. Thе faithful spouse ѕhоuld give hіmѕеlf оr hеrѕеlf аll thе time thеу nееd tо ponder thе situation аnd decide hоw thеу wіѕh tо proceed. Thеу ѕhоuld аѕk еvеrу question thеу hаvе untіl thеу аrе satisfied thаt thеу hаvе аll thе information thеу need.

Making It Work

As long аѕ bоth spouses remain committed tо reconciliation, аnу thіng іѕ possible. Spouses ѕhоuld show еасh оthеr compassion аnd understanding, bе patient wіth еасh other, аnd learn whаt іѕ needed tо avoid аnоthеr affair. Seek counseling tоgеthеr аnd separately іf needed. Thіѕ mау bе а crucial аnd healing exercise fоr bоth parties involved. Sоmеtіmеѕ couples muѕt learn hоw tо love еасh оthеr аnd relate tо еасh оthеr аll оvеr again. Wіth love аnd hard work thе marriage саn survive аnd lаѕt а lifetime.

How to Save my Marriage after an Affair?

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MARRIAGE: Caring Enough To Listen = Communication

MARRIAGE:

Caring Enough To Listen=Communication
(Part I

When God created marriage he intended for it to be beautiful. It was designed for companionship. Marriage was not meant to seem like a sentence. It was not meant to be full of on going drudgery. Nor was it meant to neither suffocate, smother, nor repress each others unique individuality. It was made so the realization of “two becoming one flesh” could be realized.  It was meant to help mature and grow a man/woman in a husband/wife relationship. To learn how to love, submit, commit, respect, and learn together what it means to work through and out of difficulties as well as enjoy great experiences within the confines of a committed relationship.  Having healthy good communication is an important component within a good marriage.  I want to encourage you to make it a priority to learn how to effectively communicate to one another.  To know where one another are, to consider each others opinions, to be objective and express your self freely. It is important to make a conscious effort to treat your partner with respect. This does not mean that you have to agree on everything. This communicates I care enough to take the time to really get to know you.  Having each others best interest at heart is also important.  You should also be able to express your concerns if you feel they may be making a wrong decision.  When expressing yourself say “I feel” or “I think” in expressing your point of view. You also want to learn to admit when you are in error.  No one is right all the time.  Part of being a good spouse is saying and doing at times what no one else will. You both have a responsibility to fulfill your commitment to one another as well as to the Lord.

Marriage was really designed as a partnership to help you become all that you were meant to be.  Many couples often live as strangers. Within the boundaries of marriage you should grow to be able to spiritually, mentally, emotionally and yes physically openly learn to express your deepest inner thoughts in a healthy way.  It is important to really get to know this person you have committed to.  Ask yourself do you honor God in your relationship? Is submission a part of your marriage?  It is important to include and seek the Lord’s direction and trust Him to teach you how to build a healthy relationship.  It is never too late to start if you have not already. Does your marriage include intimacy? God our Creator is a God of order.  You should never get to the place where you think you do not need to consult the Lord.

God made the heavens and the earth which were spoken into existence through His Word. The Word became flesh and “dwelt among us”. The Word as revealed in the scriptures tells us He is Jesus Christ. (See John 1)  After creating the man from the dust of the earth God took the man He had created and placed him in the garden to take care of it.   The one thing that Adam did not have was a companion “a suitable helper.”  All the animals that God made already had partners. No doubt that Adam was brilliantly intelligent. Adam personally named all the animals. God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep and from within Adam He took one of His rib bones and made him a woman.  She was taken from within Adam to be with Him as his God given partner.  Someone to share his life with.  Adam named her Eve. Initially they were open and not ashamed. They were even physically naked.  It was not until after they had disobeyed God that they actually realized they were naked.  (See the rest of the story in Genesis)

We are all naked before God. He knows us from the inside out. God is Omniscient meaning all knowing.  There is absolutely nothing He does not know. Think about it for a moment, does not our Creator/ Manufacturer know our intended purpose? So why is it we do not consult Him whenever a problem, situation or issue arises?  You listen to everyone else? God did not intend for us to look to the world for a marriage model.  This is one of the major reasons why nearly 60% of marriages don’t succeed.  I have been observing marriage relational dynamics for many years. No two marriages are alike. We are all very different.  But God’s principles must be included if you really want your relationship to succeed.

One of the biggest problems in marriage or any other relationship really is poor communication.   To communicate means to convey a thought, idea or relay information clearly. To transport information so that it is satisfactorily received or understood.  Listening is crucial; it is a necessary component when one desires to effectively communicate.  Communication is both verbal and nonverbal. Good healthy communication manifests when you are able to openly connect with who ever you are trying to communicate to.

Many problems and issues arise, when the time is not taken to communicate directly to each other this only further compacts the situation.  If you have not taken the time to develop intimate communication with your spouse now is the time to get started. How do I do this?  Stop hiding behind issues and past hurts.  Get over them. Stop hanging on to the things that you cannot change. This does not mean that you forget.  It means that you no longer hold whatever has happened against them.  You instead choose to become wiser from whatever has transpired.  When past issues become current issues what do you do?  You must deal with them. Don’t allow too much time to go by.

Confrontation in marriage is important.  Otherwise the issue will become cancerous and nibble at the core of your relationship. The marital relationship was really designed to encourage transparency.  This encourages and develops trust and intimacy. Intimacy will give you a responsible freedom because you are able to trust one another. It is really important to pray for as well as with one another. In many cases there have been such poor marriage role models that you simply do not know what to do.  Many people who are married are lonely. This really does not have to be. Don’t settle for a superficial relationship that is on for public view.  Think about it God is always present! Learn to live on a deeper level.  Learn to become sensitive to one another’s needs. Your needs are important but not to the extent that you overlook the needs of your spouse. Some needs have exclusively been reserved to be met only within marriage. This does not mean that you can, nor are you responsible for the fulfillment of all of their needs.

Don’t just assume that your spouse knows something, or is happy or….. Many have just not learned the benefits of being open in marriage.  (This is not at all the same as having an open marriage.  In that case why marry at all?)  It takes time to develop and build effective communication.  How well do you really know this person you have committed to? Being open is the catalyst that ajars the door for developing effective communication.  One must learn to listen as well, in order to effectively communicate. Don’t think short term, think long term. Get to know this person that you have committed to love, honor and ……..   Or was that too just for the people? Don’t always mentally construct your response or rebuttal as you listen.  Let it be your goal to attentively listen to whatever your spouse or anyone is trying to convey to you. If you are really interested in improving your relationship you must also learn how to listen. Taking the time to listen attentively to how your spouse feels validates that you care, value and are genuinely concerned about them. This helps them to open up. Remember, God intended for your spouse to be your “helpmeet”.  Listening effectively is an art.  The next time you talk to them really listen. Check yourself out and see how well you listen?  If necessary repeat what they have said to confirm you heard correctly what they were trying to convey.  Don’t always personalize everything they say.  This will help you dispel erroneous and distorted conclusions or assumptions.  Effective listening says you really want to hear what is being conveyed.

A good strong marriage or any other relationship for that matter consists of good communication. You do not have to agree with what is being conveyed.  Sometimes just being a sounding board is necessary.   You want to create an environment in which you do not have to feel like you are walking on egg shells. A major complaint in marriage is that my spouse does not understand me.  Do you understand your spouse?  Don’t make it a habit of always waiting until you are angry to fuel your ability to say how you feel. Plan ahead a time when you together can talk about whatever concerns you.  Here is the opportunity to acquire some self-control skills. Think about it. Flying off the handle is really letting someone control you by remote. In this case your emotions only get the best of you and you impulsively say a lot of stuff that you can’t take back.  You have actually stored it up, and bottled it up, to the point that it has fermented and become toxic. When this is the case it often results in flaring hot tempers which just usually yields more hurt feelings.  If this is the case change is necessary in order to develop a healthier way to communicate.

The scriptures tell us “to be angry and sin not.” God does not tell us to do something that is not possible. Think about it now that you are calm and centered.  Your feelings are important; they do need to be validated.  Exercising self control strengthens your ability to not let your feelings control you. You should really want to create an environment where both of you can openly share how you feel.  You also want to be able to freely express yourself even when you don’t agree about something.  When you are always usually fueled by anger to express yourself it often leads to a breakdown or barrier in the relationship. Please don’t use that “nobody’s perfect” excuse to justify your ranting and ravings.  Self control is a virtue.  This does not mean that you stuff how you feel and just let any and everyone walk over you.  It means that the majority of the time you choose to decide how you want to respond or not respond or simply just overlook.  Rather than to just simply react. Don’t make everything an issue. Just observe what happens when and if you go off.  Does it get the results you want? Do you really feel better?  Or in fact have you just created another barrier? Sometimes no one wants to confront you and tell you if this is the way you are… Confrontation is a healthy part of communication.  Constructive criticism really is a good thing. Getting the Lord involved always helps. He is always there.  But you are given the free will to choose.  You build self control as you exercise it in your life. This also helps to foster an environment in which you can build a healthier stronger marriage. Don’t ever take one another for granted.  If you have; change it.  You do not have to continue to live with dysfunction. The correct way to point the finger is in both directions. The good thing about God it’s never too late to change. Are you happy with the way that you communicate with your spouse? Is there room for improvement?  Take some time and think about it?  There is always room for improvement. Don’t let pride take the forefront in your relationship.

About the Author

DeBorrah K. Ogans is a Marriage Educator, licensed Christian Counselor, Life Coach, and ordained minister. She is certified through the Sarasota Academy of Christian Counseling in Creation Therapy and holds a Master’s Degree in Biblical Clinical Counseling. DeBorrah is a Co-Founder along with her husband Randall of Alpha 7 Ministries, a Counseling and Music Ministry that reaches "Beyond The Walls". There are times when we all need some encouragement in our walk with the Lord. The Counseling Ministry was designed to encourage, motivate and uplift you in your journey. The Music Ministry produces and records music for every Christian's musical taste: Contemporary Christian, Gospel, Praise & Worship, Instrumental Gospel/Jazz, and Easy Listening. . DeBorrah has written extensively and has a plethora of columns and commentaries on life subjects that are widely published. She is the author of a pre-marital guide “How Do I Love Thee: Things You Need To Know Before You Say I Do”, and has released her second book "Holy Matrimony: Now That You're Married".

How to Overcome One of the Biggest Problems in Marriage

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I wanted to know if anyone has any tips on saving marriages, I found a good site at http://www.helpsavemarriagenow.blogspot.com but wanted to know if anyone here has any other tips for saving marriages. Thanks

It really depends on what the problem is, some marriages just cannot be fixed.

5 Tips to Save your Marriage

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I don't know why I got attacked so much for being this way. Haha.. I guess it's partly because of my tradition and religion (I'm korean and christian) but I also believe it's more special if i save it up for a guy that i'd spend the rest of my life with. Don't post ignorant comments such as that I'm this way because I'm not wanted. I've been in a lot of relationships, and of course I've been asked to.

You are wise and mature. Your future husband will be a lucky man. You are also avoiding many potential problems. What if someone gave you an STD ? That would be awful and you'd have to tell a potential husband about it before marriage. What if you did it with a guy and it was very good or he was very large/pleasing and THEN you broke up and when you did marry you were disappointed with your husband's performance/size ? That would be awful. You wouldn't know what you are missing if you only have your husband to experience. Also, it is very special for your husband to know that you saved this once in a lifetime special gift for him and him alone. You are wise and special.

Save Your Marriage Stop Divorce with Christian Marriage Counseling

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